I was a grade school teacher once. Aside from the subjects I taught, it was also my task as a class teacher to prepare my class for school competitions.
It was hard for me because I have always disliked competitive environments. Competition tends to breed hostility among people and this always causes a lot of discomfort in me. Because of the pressure on the competitors to perform a certain task and outdo the others within a limited period of time, the results do not faithfully reflect the skills level or greatness of the participants all the time.
Judges are only human. Their personal biases and peculiar way of looking at things can influence their perception of things.
That is why I dislike contests where only one or two individuals decide on the winners.
When children are involved, it has to be emphasized that competitions are merely activities to broaden their experiences and understanding of life.
Winning is not the be-all and end-all of competitions.
I was preparing one of my students for a declamation, one time. We had very little time to prepare as the boy who was going to be our representative had backed out. I was not sure how much of a chance we had to win but I told the boy repeatedly that he was competing only with himself. He was normally a confident boy but a number of times, he expressed doubt whether he could ably represent the class in the oratorical contest. I assured him that he was the best person for the task and if he gave his best, then there would be nothing to worry about.
The day of the contest came and our class did not win. I did not show any hint of sadness or disappointment to my class over our loss. I told them that in life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. What is important is that, whatever you do, give it your best.
That afternoon, I went to the bookstore to buy our “orator” a thank you card. I wrote to him that it is not important that we did not win as long as he did his best. To me and his classmates, he is the WINNER!
That week, when Valentine’s Day also happened to fall, I received a letter from the boy’s mom that said:
Dear Ms. ….:
The card that you gave our son is one remembrance that our family will always cherish.
When I learned that my son will take the place of his classmate in the contest, I said it wouldn’t be possible. I have to confess that I did not like the idea of my son filling in for something that he is not prepared to do. I thought that it was unfair that he will not be given a fair chance at winning since he did not have mastery of the piece. Besides, I feared that it would be traumatic for him in case he forgot his lines. I called his father who was out-of-town, to convince him to withdraw. In their conversation, he realized that my son’s self-confidence and sense of responsibility made him accept that challenge. The only line that I remembered my husband telling me was “Support your son.”
The next thing I realized, I was praying to the Holy Spirit to help my son remember his lines.
Since I think Valentine’s Day is for people whose love radiates to others, I won’t let this day pass without telling you how your card touched me. I realized how selfish I was to feel all those negative things. It’s really people like you who make “winners”. If my sons will be handled by people like you, I can be at peace knowing they are in good hands. The beauty of your words in that card buried the pain of confusion, fear and anxiety I experienced that night. It really means a lot to us. Happy Valentine’s Day and May God Bless You Always!
I was in tears even before I could finish reading the letter. I too was going through a lot of confusion and self-doubt then. Everyone else around me was playing to win and I did not know whether my own class shared my beliefs.
I have been keeping this letter since 1998 and read it whenever I fondly recall the days when I was a grade school teacher.
This letter never fails to inspire me to pursue the things that I believe in even when everyone else around me is in doubt.
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Tags: raising children, Raising kids, teaching children, teaching in the grade school, winning isn't everything
2 Comments to “Teaching Kids – Winning Isn’t Everything”
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I too cried upon reading the mother’s letter. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I too am a mother of a 4 year old. When Pio plays he wants to be the only winner and would cry if it does not happen, I am seeking ways how to tell him anybody can be a winner. I also don’t like a competition where in a child would lose his confidence when he loses.
Hi Cecille,
Thanks for reading my posts. I share your concerns as a mom. On the one hand, we want our kids to develop a winning attitude but without being too preoccupied with winning. Likewise, we want them to learn how to accept defeat as this will surely happen to them several times in their life.